One Thing Led to Another: ADHD, Addiction, and the Son I Lost
A story of struggle, survival, and the heartbreaking chain of “not enough.”
My son, Shelby Simmons, is loved and missed beyond words.
From the time Shelby could walk and talk, he was full of wonder and questions. Everything amazed him, and there was nothing he didn’t want to try.
By first grade, I realized he had more energy and intensity than other boys his age, so we had him tested. He was diagnosed with ADHD, and the psychologists recommended medication — but we declined at the time.
Mimi and Shelby at her wedding to Brian.
Throughout Shelby’s school years, up until eighth grade, he seemed to repeat the same behavioral patterns without responding to consequences. He made some progress with a child psychologist, but when we slowed down on the visits, that progress would slip. We briefly tried stimulant ADHD medications, but they came with awful side effects: nervous tics and severe weight loss.
In eighth grade, at our request, his pediatrician prescribed Strattera and Intuniv. It was truly a miracle. Shelby was the best version of himself — calm, focused, and happy — with no side effects.
He got off to a great start in high school. Ninth grade was awesome. Tenth grade started well, too, but during the second semester, we realized he wasn’t taking his medication regularly. He didn’t think he needed it anymore. That year came with the typical high school drama: fights with friends, conflicts at home, a tough breakup. But that summer — the one before junior year — Shelby started experimenting with drugs.
Pot, alcohol, prescription meds, DXM in cough syrup, Benadryl… if it caused a buzz, he wanted to try it. In hindsight, I believe he turned to substances because of emotional insecurities and the fact that his brain’s judgment center wasn’t fully functional.
As a family, we staged an intervention. His dad and stepmother paid for three months of rehab. After that, we decided together to send him to a boarding school, five hours away. He made friends quickly there, but in hindsight, I think he felt like we had abandoned him. We only wanted him to be safe and in a supportive environment.
He stayed clean for about a year and a half. But when he turned 18 in February of 2015 — in the middle of his senior year — he started using again. He believed that being legally an adult meant he could do what he wanted. He started dabbling in drugs again, and when he failed a drug screen at school, he was asked to leave.
He moved back in with me, my husband, and his siblings. We gave him another chance, but he blew it — and I had to ask him to leave. It was one of the hardest decisions I’ve ever made, but I couldn’t risk the safety of the rest of our family.
After couch surfing for a while, he found a job and a place to live, with guidance from his dad and support from his stepmother. But later that year, he started using heroin. Things spiraled. He lost his housing. He ended up on the street.
I begged him to go back to rehab. I begged him to go to NA meetings. I did so much for him that I eventually crossed into enabling. I had to step back. We all had to use tough love.
Still, I wish I had fought harder for his sobriety.
Shelby was never mean or cruel. He was kind, loving, and gentle. He adored his brothers and sisters and loved playing video games with them. He touched so many lives with his generosity. At one point, he was a devout Catholic. He once rescued a four-week-old kitten from certain death and nurtured him into a healthy cat we named Victor.
He amazed me by teaching himself to read sheet music and play the piano. He also taught himself to read German and French. Shelby had an IQ of 145. He was incredibly intelligent, strikingly handsome, witty, and warm. Just a great person.
Shelby died of an accidental fentanyl overdose on March 7, 2017. He had just turned 20.
An unfinished life.
My grief is so heavy, some days I can’t breathe.
About the Author
Mimi is a nature-loving, homeschooling mama who shares her life with her best friend and husband. Together, they’ve raised four children — one grown and out of the house, one in Heaven, one starting college, and one entering 10th grade. Their home is also filled with love from two rescued cats adopted from the Humane Society.
She has a deep passion for gardening, with a special focus on herbs, and finds joy in experimenting and growing things from the earth.
With a heart for healing and service, she facilitated a grief support group for four years and served as co-chair of the Shelby County Health Department’s Opioid Task Force Prevention and Education Team.
She also maintains a website that provides resources for addiction recovery, grief support, and aid for the unhoused. Her long-term vision is to transform it into a nonprofit that partners with community gardens in Memphis’s food deserts and underserved neighborhoods.